i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
