I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
