You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
ugly people sure do ruin things
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
