Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
