You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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