his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
