someone owes me an orgasm
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
