i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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