It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
