i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
