Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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