A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
