my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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