who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How naked do you want me to be?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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