you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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