he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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