I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
