Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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