So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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