He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
