Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You pole danced in your parka.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
