ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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