i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
