i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
