i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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