wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
