So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
