It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I am available for nakedness
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
