I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
