Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
