so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
