ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
