just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
