i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
