im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
