no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
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