i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
