So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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