apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
