I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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