she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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