I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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