Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
thus making me awesome and them whores
my shit smells like andre
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
