There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
