O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
