this just has baby written all over it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
