i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
