I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
