I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
His nipple licking is glorious
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