There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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