I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
