if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
How external is "for external use only"?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
