you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
bring money and cleavage
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
