There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
