Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
