Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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