Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
