I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
