Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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