the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
