I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
